my struggle with dependency

March 9, 2016

This is a little out of the ordinary, a post in the middle of the week. But a lot of you have been asking how God has been working in my life since I have been in Portugal. Well, here is your answer…

Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.”

Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”

-Luke 9:62

This verse is so convicting; because how many times a day do I look back and wish I were in Florida? How many times a day do I yearn to be in the company of my family and friends? How many times a day do I look at look at the mvmt Instagram account or Westside’s website to see what is going on? The answer to all of those is easy…

A lot.

I am what some people would call dependent. Dictionary.reference.com defines dependent as “a person who depends on or needs someone or something for aid, support, favor, etc.” Or you could even go as far to state that I am codependent. Codependency is a type of dysfunctional helping relationship, the most common theme being an excessive reliance on other people for approval and identity. However, codependency is a little extreme. So, for this case, let’s just say that I am dependent.

I am dependent on my family, my friends, etc. to fulfill my needs spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.

That’s why I think this trip in Portugal has been so difficult for me; everyone that I am dependent on is in Florida. But that is also why this trip has been so good for me; I am beginning to break that area of dependency in my life.

Because who do I have to be dependent on here in Portugal?

No one, but Christ.

Yes, the verse above is still convicting. It still causes me to realize how much I look forward to being home with my family and friends; but it also causes me to realize how much I have grown already. It shows me that I have taken my needs spiritually, emotionally, and mentally out of the control of family and friends, only to place my needs in the hands of Christ and He is faithful.

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

–Philippians 4:19

As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer; do not delay, O my God!

–Psalm 40:17

I have taken my identity out of the thoughts and actions of others and placed my identity completely in Christ, where it belongs.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

-Galatians 2:20

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.

-Colossians 3:1-3

I have to rely on Jesus constantly, going to Him in prayer and worship. This has trained me to pray before I speak and bring it to God before I bring it to men. Something I have never done before, being as vocal as I am.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God.

-Philippians 4:6

Don’t take this the wrong way, I am not saying that I am no longer homesick. I think it is good to be homesick (although, sometimes I get too homesick) and miss the people back home. Winnie the Pooh once said, “how lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” I am talking about where I place my identity. Not in the family and friends in Florida, but in Christ alone. This has not been any easy process.

It has been long and hard, and I am still working everyday to continue to place my identity in Christ. I have been memorizing John 15, as most of you know. In John 15 it says, “He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.” I think this is one of those times where God is cutting off and pruning branches so that I can be even more fruitful in my time here in Portugal.

I hope this answers your questions of what God has been doing in my life and how He has been doing it. If you have any questions, feel free to email me or message me on Facebook.

Thank you all for the support, love and prayer! I love you all very much. See you soon!

Love,

Ashton